Fragments of Memory
by slashmarks
Summary: A dying Lessa dreams of her long life. Crappy first chapter, overly melodramatic title... oh well, at least I admit it. Lessa/F'lar
1. Prologue

_A/N: Yes, this is the prologue. Also, it is the worst chapter- This story was meant to house all of the random Lessa vignettes I have written, and the first part isn't all that great._

**Disclaimer: Dragonriders of Pern belongs to Anne McCaffrey, not me. This is the only time I will post this in Fragments of Memory.**

Lessa, Weyrwoman of Benden for the entire Ninth Pass, rider of golden Ramoth- the largest dragon on Pern for decades until that position was usurped by one of her many daughters, Starith- and, until recent years, when he had passed away, weyrmate to bronze rider and Weyrleader F'lar, lay dying in bed.

It was an unknown illness that had started months ago as a mere cough. F'lessan had urged her to get a Healer's opinion, but she had put it off until she had, quite literally, collapsed. And then it was too late. The illness had progressed too far to be halted.

F'lessan sometimes wondered if his mother had meant it to be that way. Lessa had been depressed since F'lar had been killed by one of the felines down south, several summers before. He had really been too old to hunt them- but he had insisted.

Those two were like that


	2. Waiting

_A/N: The first flashback. Set during the first threadfall of the ninth Pass- as if you couldn't tell. _

_Waiting_. It was unbearable.

Oh, when an injured dragon spiraled in, she would be occupied for a while, getting numbweed, treating the injury, consoling the rider, and her mind would be busy. She wouldn't have time to think of F'lar- of what could be happening, of what could have already happened- that he might be crippled, that he might be hurt- or even _dead. _That she might have seen him for the last time that morning.

That she might have to carry on alone.

The thought was terrifying- and Lessa of Ruatha did not fear anything.

So she made herself stay busy, helping with the injured, speaking to the riders, transmitting orders. She forced herself to stay too busy to think.

Until later that afternoon, when she knew he was alright. She was so incredibly relieved, to see Mnementh hovering in the sky, not injured, not gone _between_ forever. And yet, somehow, impossibly, she was even _more_ relieved to see F'lar. More relieved than she should be.

So she pushed her relief aside, and made herself angry, to keep her pride and dignity intact. She made herself act mad at him, for not finding her when he returned, and having _Kylara_ tend his injuries. But it was only an act.

She proved it to him later that night.


	3. Narrow Escape

A_/N: I didn't actually mean to put this up so quickly, but I have up to chapter five finished anyway, so..._

**Lioness's Heart: Thank you!** **Here it is- hope it meets your expectations!**

She pounded down the stairs, running frantically. She spared a look back over her shoulder, and saw the man was no longer pursuing her. However, she kept moving, cautiously now, checking that no one was watching before she slipped across the courtyard, into the watch-wher's lair.

It sensed her distress, and moved towards her, cringing as it reached the end of its long metal chain. She leaned against the wall, and slowly slid down into a sitting position. Her breath, which had been coming in ragged gasps, evened out. She forced herself to concentrate only on her breathing, and not what had nearly happened.

_In. Out. __In. __Out._ _Steady_. Only when her body had calmed did she climb to her feet and slip back into the courtyard, and then to the kitchens. With luck, no one would have missed her.

This was just one of the perils of being a female, adolescent drudge in one of Fax's holdings, after all, and she refused to let it get to her.


	4. Watching Dragons

_A/N: This is Lessa as a nine-year old. Nothing else to say, really._

**Lioness's Heart: Once again, thanks! I'm surprised that you said that about description- one of the things people tend to consider a fault with my writing is that I don't describe the surroundings enough.**

**boothnbones9373: This is meant to be when Lessa's in, say, her 90's, which is old enough for us with our 'modern' medicine and such things, and F'lar is older than Lessa. I hadn't really thought about how to end this fic, but now that you mention it, that might work...**

The child padded down, across the Hold, into the courtyard. She slipped to the outer door, made of heavy bronze, and awkwardly wrestled it open- no mean triumph for the small, slender boned girl. She slipped outside the Hold silently- and was awarded with a marvelous sight.

Bronze and brown and blue and green, the wings filled the sky as dragons flew overhead. "Lightning" flashed as fire emerged from the dragons' throats. Struck dumb with awe for the dragons of Pern, she stayed there until dawn, hours later, watching the drills over Ruatha Hold.

That was when she decided she wanted to be a dragonrider- two Turns before Fax's invasion. Two Turns before she would become the last of her bloodline.


	5. Of Ballads

_A/N: This is the first time Lesa heard The Ballad of Lessa's ride. I thought it would be interesting to write about her reaction..._

**Lioness's Heart: Thanks, I've never really looked at it that way before. About Lessa, I was thinking about also writing about her parents hearing about her ambition to be a dragonrider. That scene would be "interesting" to write... And, thanks! Hope you like this one.**

_...Brave and braving, linger,_

_This way was twice decided..._

She heard the Harper playing, but the words didn't really register. Slipping through the doorway, she watched as the Harper instructed the children. The Ballad of Lessa's ride, he said it was called- _wait,__ what?_ She looked at the Harper, startled, and realized she did not recognize his face, then dimly recalled F'lar saying a new one had been assigned to Benden during the summer. The Harper seemed to realize she had not heard the ballad telling of her tremendous leap backwards in time before, and looked at his Weyrwoman nervously- until her face broke out into a smile.

It was fitting that the last pureblooded Ruathan's triumph be immortalized in song, forever. To remain until long after she was gone.

It was the first time she had thought of her death with neither fear, nor anger.


	6. Riding

_A/N: Lessa at six or seven, learning to ride. The "bad man" is Fax._

**Lioness's Heart: Here it is! It's another child Lessa fic. Currently, I'm posting these things in the order I write them, so even if I did that right now, it would still be chapter ten or so. But I'll see if I can write it.**

The young child laughed, her dark curls spilling over her shoulders. She giggled merrily as she bounced along on the runnerbeast's back. The trot was jarring, but she liked it anyway- because it gave her a chance to be with Father. Father was almost always busy with boring work.

It hadn't always been like that. Once, before the bad man's soldiers had taken over the other Holds, Father had been free to play. There had still been work, but there had been less of it.

Her brothers said she was too young to remember that time, but she _did._ She was _good_ at remembering things.

She wished the bad man would make his soldiers go away. Then Father could play again, all the time.


	7. Meetings

_A/N: This takes place right around the beginning of Dragonquest. _

**Lioness's Heart: Thanks! That one's one of my favorites. Hope you like this one!**

**boothnbones9373: There are references to dragonriders living that long during intervals before they had AIVAS, so I figured it would work. F'lar was about Lessa's age in the beginning of this fic when he died -maybe five years before it starts- as he's older than Lessa. This one has some Lessa/F'lar in it. Hope you enjoy!**

She sighed, exasperated, and poured herself a glass of red Benden wine. The wine did not help much, however, as it only served to remind her of the current differences and disagreements between dragonmen and the rest of Pern- differences and disagreements which had climaxed in the recent _incident_. Those Oldtimers were so much trouble- and really, T'reb ought to have known better. She wished she could be beside F'lar, helping him deal with the other Weyrleaders.

But if she went, the other Weyrwoman would have to be there as well, and she was glad of any excuse to avoid Mardra. Really, she'd never done anything to the leaders of Fort, and neither had F'lar...

She was stirred from her depressed thoughts by the sound of a dragon landing. F'lar walked into the weyr.

"Back so soon?" she grinned maliciously.

"T'ron pushed the blame on Terry; we didn't get anything done. And T'bor played right into T'ron's hands, as usual," F'lar responded sardonically.

Her reply was abruptly cut off as he pressed his lips to hers. And Lessa of Ruatha let pride and dignity fall away.


	8. Death

_A/N: Sorry, but I don't have time to respond to all the reviews right now. Thanks for the feedback, guys!_

_2A/N: This one doesn't have so much description- it's more of an emotional chapter. Hope I did all right! _

She was leaning forward in the riding straps when she heard the _crack_. Looking up, she saw, but didn't register, the sight of F'lar, limp in the straps, his neck clearly broken. She didn't comprehend Mnementh going between, and waited for him to reappear, because F'lar _couldn't _die. He was invincible- he'd be here, with her, forever.

Then Ramoth keened, a soul-ripping, heartbreaking sound. And it finally sunk in, in what seemed like hours, but was truly only seconds after the spotted feline -one of the varieties with the clouded coats that were so expensive- had broken her weyrmate's spine. And Lessa, once of Ruatha, collapsed in the riding harness and sobbed for the first time in decades. Because F'lar was dead. Gone.

Someone else had left her. And now she was alone again.

* * *

She was numb for days afterword. The funerary service seemed superfluous- there was nothing to bury, after all. Gradually, she began to recover, and become involved in Weyr management again. Those around her breathed sighs of relief, and thought she would be fine.

But she sobbed into her pillow until it was soaked through every day for years to come. And Ramoth never rose to mate again.


	9. Sunset

_A/N: I have no clue if there are sunsets like this over Benden, but it seemed like a good idea, so I went with it._

**Lioness's Heart: That was meant to be really angsty. I was in a very depressed mood when I wrote that. Thanks for the compliment on the other chapter- due to reviewer requests, I'm trying to write more fluff for Lessa and F'lar. There really aren't that many good fics about them out there. I hope this one qualifies as "good"!**

**The Wineglass: I probably do have Lessa's reaction a bit off on some of these- the first few chapters weren't really revised at all, just posted. Her alliegance is to both her Weyr and her former Hold, but she was Ruathan first, and the years of drudgery there probably made a big impression. I don't know if she was worried about death- a lot of this is made up partially, to make her reactions more complex. I should note, those two lines were in one of the books, along with the rest of that verse- I didn't write them. About the constructive things- it's really helpful, just so you know if I sound a bit defensive(not that I'm trying to be), but I hope you don't mind if I don't reply to all of the comments on the writing style- it's a bit overwhelming. (laughs) Also, if you want, you can just ignore that part about Starith- she's probably never going to be mentioned again, and I didn't really have a real reason for putting that there.**

**Twilight Contessa: Thanks! I tried to pick up the description a bit- it's one thing I tend to ignore by accident until I revise whatever I'm writing, and, like I said, I didn't bother doing that with the first couple chapters. I'll try, with the ending- don't know when that's going to be, though. If there wasn't anyone reviewing this, I probably would have ended it tomorrow, since I'm leaving for a week or so and almost definitely won't have access to a computer, but the way things are going, I'll keep going for quite a while! Now, on to the fic! (When the review responses are longer than the chapter, you know you're in trouble.)**

_Sunset over Benden Wey. _

It was magnificent. Despite her cold demeanor, she was moved by the incredible display of colors over the heights of the Weyr's tall cliffs. Blue faded to lilac, lilac to a dark, smokey purple, to bright pink, to orange, to scarlet, to a darker red, back to purple, and, finally, to a velvety black that seemd so, well, _final_, and was lit with the fires of hundreds of stars, bright pinpricks of light in the darkness.

It was enough for her to admit her impression of the sunset to that bronzerider when he came back from hunting his dragon. F'lar had been long accustomed to the displays at sunset and sunrise, having been raised in the Weyr, but this one seemed particularly beautiful. He was fascinated by the vibrancy of the colors.

It impressed her greatly, but she was a little afraid as well. The sky looked so huge, like that- it made her aware of how _tiny_ she truly was, being dwarfed by that bright sky.

The bronzerider, F'lar, and she sat outside, watching the sunset, until night had finally fallen. That night was remembered by them for a long time. It was the first time they'd been together without arguing. The only time, too, until Ramoth's first mating flight.

_Night over Benden Weyr._


	10. Digging

_A/N: Once again, I apologize, but I don't have enough time to respond- so I'll just say, thanks for reviewing! Also, I'll be leaving for around a week and almost definitely won't have access to a computer, so don't expect any updates. _

_A/N2: Now, on to the chapter. This one's a bit bizarre- doesn't make much sense, even to me, how the emotions are, but I have to leave soon, so I don't really have time to edit, unfortunately(sp?). It _is_ longer, though!_

_Dig. Dig. Throw the dirt away. Keep digging._

She shoveled away at the edge of the ancient building. They'd been scraping black-brown dirt and ash away from the Ancients' dwellings for hours, but no one else had taken a break, so she didn't either. Her pride wouldn't allow it.

_Thump. Thump. Thump. _The sounds of her steel hovel hitting the packed dirt were repetitive and monotonous- they'd been the same for the whole time they'd been there. _Thump. Thump. Thump. _Seconds spent -or wasted- digging at the covered ruins quickly turned to minutes, minutes to hours, hours into half a day used up- and still she kept on going.

_Thump. Thump. Thump. _She wondered if there was even anything beneath the pile. Her hands were red and blistered, but she kept on digging. It didn't matter.

_Thump. Thump. __Thump-thump._Her hands were bleeding now- and still she ignored them. There'd be time enough to bandage them later. She dropped the shovel by accident, and when she picked it back up, her hands -sticky with half-dried blood-were in agony, having come in contact with the dirty, wooden handle.

_Thump. Thump .Thump-Clang! _She didn't hear the difference at first, as her mind was wandering far away, to a time when she'd been a drudge- though even then, the work hadn't been quite so physically grueling. _Clang! _She jumped and looked down- and saw that her efforts, the whole day spent there, had paid off.

She'd uncovered the wall of the ancient building!


	11. Waiting, Once More

**A/N: Hello, I'm back! After a vacation and two seperate sets of technical errors that kept me from posting. I'll try to update regularly again, but can't make any promises... Sorry I was gone for so long, guys.**

_A/N2: This one's during All the Weyrs of Pern, when they're setting the engines down on the Red Star. Also, becasue I know someone's going to ask me about this- I know that, due to the mechanics of going _between_ times, F'lar was only gone a few minutes during the first Fall. I'm messing with that on purpose._

_Waiting._

She leaned against Ramoth a bit too suddenly and had to grab the golden queen dragon to stop herself from flying out into the deep, black darkness. Normally, she didn't mind free fall (or its effects), but today it just irritated her- like everything else had since she woke in Benden Weyr that morning.

She wished F'lar would hurry up and return with the wings of dragons. She wished even more that she were with him on the Red Star- not that she would really be with him, but if she was leading one of the groups, she wouldn't feel so useless. And _anything_ was better than waiting.

It was something she'd discovered Turns ago, during that first Fall. At the time, she'd thought those long hours would be the worst in her life. Now she was alone again, waiting for him again. This time, she knew it wouldn't take more than fifteen minutes, because the dragons could only function that long without oxygen, but it seemed so much longer. That was probably because there was nothing to occupy her mind, to distract her. Before, she'd been dealing with injuries and relaying orders for those hours of Fall.

She stared out into the black cargo bay. Blacker than _between_ it seemed at that moment, despite the glowing lights. They were like flickering glows, unable to completely obliterate the darkness but fighting valiantly all the same- like the dragons against Thread, she realized with a start. Their efforts had been more or less futile- until now. That was the whole point of this operation- to destroy Thread forever. After this Pass, Pern would never have to deal with Thread again. And that was worth these tense moments of waiting. Still, she missed _him_.

Again, Lessa wished F'lar was there with her.


	12. Bathing

**A/N: Well, here it is! An update the very next day. Aren't you all so _proud_ of me?**

**On a serious note, on the Thursday after next, I'll be leaving for a while again, so I won't be able to update for a week or so. Sorry for abandoning you all so soon...(Okay, maybe not so serious...)**

**Also, I have discovered this magical thing which is a button that lets you actually _reply to reviews_! How miraculous is that? So, basically, I won't be replying to reviews in the story any more. Sorry to all you non-reviewers who like to eavesdrop on random conversations. (assuming you actually exist.)**

_A/N: Now, about the actual _story._ I have no idea when this takes place- so I'll just say between Dragonflight and Dragonquest. If you don't like this, feel free to imagine it as being whatever time you like._

She staggered into the empty bathing room, exhausted. It had been a rotten fall, and the queen's wing had been hard-pressed to keep Thread out of Lemos's forested regions. In the end, several burrows had needed to be rooted out and burned, and it was quite a while until they had finished dealing with them. She'd managed to avoid Threadscore, but Ramoth hadn't –her dragon had been hit lightly on the left shoulder- and that had occupied her for a while. Lord Asgenar had needed to be reassured as well, and she was more than ready for a break after everything was done and over.

She stripped off her damp flying gear. It stank of firestone, and sweat. _Disgusting- _her irritated thoughts were cut off abruptly by sweet relief as she sank into the warm, soothing water.

Some time later- she'd been half-asleep on her feet, and perfectly willing to linger longer than necessary in the pool of water- heavy footsteps echoed through the corridor. She ignored them, still drowsy.

"What's this? Shirking your duties, my Weyrwoman?" She groaned inwardly, the mocking voice intruding on her half-rest. "Are you even awake?" F'lar asked sarcastically.

"No. Go _away_- eek!" her mumbled protest turned into a squeal as F'lar picked her up and dunked her under the water. Lessa came up spluttering, and immediately tackled him under the clear, blue surface. Needless to say, neither Weyrleader was available for a bit after _that._


	13. Boredom

**A/N: Well, here it is! I'll probably update with no sense of rhyme or rhythm whatsoever now, but hopefully you won't have to wait too much, too often. **

_A/N2: This one's about child!Lessa, because she's just so much fun to write. I think she's fairly young here -seven or eight- or she wouldn't be acting like this, but feel free to assume whatever you like. I'm just the author, after all- it's you guys' job to interpret what I write. And on to the story!_

She fidgeted, extremely bored. Father glared at her, but she couldn't help it. Maybe if the details of the meetings she was forced to attend weren't so tedious, or the people here on what _they _called important business would acknowledge her presence with something other than a glare to quiet her, or a condescending pat on the head, she wouldn't shift like this, but there was nothing _else_ to do. Better she kick at the undecorated stone wall with her tired feet than run, screaming at the top of her lungs, out of the small side room and into the rest of Ruatha Hold.

Lord Kale insisted that each of his children attend one of the monthly meetings he held with his minor holders at some time, whether they liked it or not (a phrase that referred to both the holders and the children). It was her turn now, and she was _really_ thinking wistfully of her small, warm bed -though she appeared to be paying attention- when something abruptly grabbed at her attention.

She caught a glimpse of bright blue against the overcast gray sky, and craned her neck to look out of the small window. A dragon! Flying above Ruatha! She ignored the disapproving looks sent her way by the stuffy old men and moved just a little bit to the right, so she could see it better. There! The dragon soared, a magnificent sight to the exasperated youngster. Lessa certainly found it more interesting than the drab adults that were conferencing with her father- she was fascinated by it.


	14. Again, Death Comes

**A/N: Don't worry- there's one chapter left! I'm sorry I'm ending it so soon, but I'm leaving again, and won't be able to write, so I figured I'd end it at a round number.**

_A/N2: Well. This is a strange one. I figured I had to write a death scene before I could reunite Lessa and F'lar, and I'm going to. Don't worry. (Or do- you might be surprised by chapter fifteen.)_

Laughing at the funny things. Crying at the sad ones. Screaming at the things they expected to make her angry.

After F'lar died, she had become very good at acting. So good that no one else even knew anything was wrong. She had always been distant, and now she used that fact to keep everyone at an arm's length. She couldn't let herself be hurt again- or hurt anyone else. Because she knew she would die soon, as well.

That knowledge, of something that once terrified here, was now a relief. Sometimes, knowing that it would all be _over_ soon, that she would be with _him _again, was all that kept her going.

Well, that and Ramoth. She couldn't have survived without Ramoth. The golden dragon was the only one who understood her now that F'lar was dead. She was also the only other one who knew, this day, that it would be her last. At least, the only one who knew before one of the fire-lizards that had been in the Weyr tattled on her. Ramoth had been the first one to notice, sevendays ago, that her rider was fatally ill. Both of them welcomed the thought of rest.

She had dreamed, when she slept. And now, she roused briefly- not completely, but enough to be aware as everything slowly faded. _Strange,_ she had just enough strange left to think, _how they all describe it as a white light. It's _all_ white, not just a single point of light._

And with that, Lessa's vision faded to blinding pure white. She was gone.

_White out._

**To Be Continued**


	15. Reunited

**A/N: OK, guys, here it is! The ending. Goodbye**

_A/N2: Yes, this is a strange ending. Read it anyway. At least it's long... Please don't kill me, everyone who wanted Lessa and F'lar and everyone else in some sort of happily-ever-after afterlife._

She woke, hungry. She was trapped, in the inside of this smooth warped sphere, with cushioned walls.

She struggled against the sides of her prison, frantic. She was contained. Claustrophobia overwhelmed reason- reason and logic that were quickly erased in the face of panic. Her limbs, head and tail thrashed about inside the smooth egg, until a sharp _crack _was heard. The egg split into two almost equal halves with jagged white edges.

She scrambled for the enticing food being held out by the strange, two-legged creatures. They wanted her- they thought they needed her. They were not worthy of her. She gobbled down the steaming chunks of bloody meat offered anyway, then flitted _between_. To a sandy, deserted coastline in an unexplored region of the huge Southern Continent.

The echoing cries of dismay from the odd-looking things when she first flew quickly left her mind, and she soared over the hot sands and turquoise water, looking for something to eat. The hatchling was not entirely sated- her hunger was still there. It was not entirely for food...

Time passed. Memories of her hatching, in that cold place of stone and ash faded away. She was just another creature of Southern, who belonged there in this lifetime. Until her first mating flight.

Many bronzes were there. She flew high and strong- and there came a thought. One she didn't understand- didn't know why she had thought it.

_So this is what it was _like, for Ramoth, all those times... The fire-lizard didn't understand. Who was Ramoth? But it didn't matter- she was flying now- no, her distraction had enabled her to be caught!

She and the bronze dived, entwined- and why was that phrase so familiar? Lines of a half-forgotten poem intruded into the mating fire-lizard's head-

_-Rise high in glory,_

_Bronze and gold,_

_Dive entwined,_

_Enhance the Hold-_

She looked into her mate's eyes- and then, for a second, Lessa and F'lar remembered. Remembered, and so knew, everything they had forgotten- lives that had made them both legends. The dragons, Thread, Aivas- and a million, a billion other points, high and low, in the two's long lives.

Then that instant was over. And the gold and bronze fire-lizards were just like any other fire-lizard pair.

The queen and her bronze mate flew into the tawny gold sunset. With no responsibilities, or worries. But with no memories of the achievements that had earned them this. Reincarnation is bittersweet.

_Sorka. Salina. Moreta. Lessa._

_Sean. M'tal. Alessan. F'lar._

_Free at last. Forever._

A/N3: Yes. I reincarnated Lessa and F'lar as fire-lizards. Feel free to either flame me or tell me I'm making too big of a deal out of it- I'd like to know what you think.


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